


Baby I'll Never Leave You (If You Keep Holding Me This Way)

by CrazyMofos



Category: One Direction
Genre: Bottom Harry, Bottom Zayn, Cheerful Louis, Insecure Liam, Liam felt powerless, M/M, Sad, Smoking, Smoking Zayn, Top Liam, Top Louis, Zayn still loved his band mates, base on reality, friendly louis, leaving the band, pleasant Louis, sappy liam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-04-25 22:26:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14388381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyMofos/pseuds/CrazyMofos
Summary: It was 2015.Zayn was stressed out and all that just the way he was. He clearly needed someone to be by his side, who else would he need other than his very own boyfriend yet husband? He could win the battle as long as he would keep being strong just the way he was- after all he had his lover loving him no matter what, he had his four best friends having his back and giving him comfort whenever he needed.





	1. Liam's POV

At the end of the tour, Zayn was, he was, acting like a crazy sicko, as crazy as he would, as sicko as he would ever be. And I remember, the bags under his eyes were so, like as dark as his hair, as large as his own two eyes. And I remember that he smoked a lot, and whoever walked close to him, or just stood next to him was like had a distance less than 5 meters, could smell the smoke, the cigarette. And whenever someone would see him, he always seemed like was keeping on coughing, like he had caught a cold, a bad cold, a really bad cold. And the two eyes, that I remember were as bright as stars before, then were as dark as, as they would never be.  
He had fights with everyone he met at the time, especially, Louis. He and Lou fight a lot. I remember that there was one time, at around two or three a.m., Lou and I were woken up by Zayn’s coughs, (he always smoked in the hotel bathroom because somehow he thought he wouldn’t make the whole room smell like cigarette in that way but of course it was bullshit, because all the clothes he had ever worn and all the places he had ever been were made smell like that shit) and yes, even he locked himself in the bathroom, the repeating coughs were still so hard to ignore. After me and Lou were woken up ,we went to the bathroom and broke into it, then we found the whole room was filled with smoke and the only light in the smoky room was the spark on the cigarette.  
“What the fucking hell wrong with you? You gotta stop treating yourself like this, you would die of cancer if you still keep on doing like this idiot!” Louis shouted after taking the cigarette off Zayn’s lips and throwing it away.  
“I will die no matter what, it’s just sooner or later.” Zayn replied in a slight voice.  
Then Louis just had a full tube of water spilt over Zayn.  
It ain’t hard to tell that water had done a better job than Louis’ shout.  
Zen sat on the floor with water all over him, he stayed still with no motions. But it was clear that he was not unconscious anymore.  
It was so quiet that the only sound I could hear was the water dropping on the floor and the silence seemed like stayed for million years.  
“The floor would be ruined by the water, and that would be very terrible.” Zayn said and he sounded like had back to normal.  
“The management will take care of that.” Louis said, he had evened his breath and tone, “you drunk?”  
“Just a little.”  
“Or a lot? next time I see you like this, i'll certainly beat your ass out.”  
Zayn didn’t say anything and the silence went back again.  
“Zayn, i...” I tried to say something but it was soon interjected.  
“You'll beat my ass out? why don't you just kill me? anyway, the management will take care of that, THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING!! EVEN OUR FREEDOM! OUR YOUTH!! Anyway THEY MADE US ONE DIRECTION! We should appreciate that! We sing the things they order us to sing and answer the questions as they orders and shows the expressions as their order! we can’t even say the things we want to say and sing the things we want to sing! FUCK! Why don't you just kill me!! WHY DON’T YOU JUST KILL ME!!”  
Lou lift him up from the floor as he shouting and then hold him in his arms, press his face in his chest.  
“Shh shh...” Lou breathed and put his hand on Zayn’s wet hair, “Just get your breath back, you just need to sleep, okay? It’s gonna be alright, trust me...”  
I saw tears fell down from Zayn’s face, I could feel mine fell off my face too. I couldn't help but hold them two, and cried with them.  
That night, three of us was crying as hard as babies, with the smell of alcohol and cigarettes. 

***

"Zayn?" I knocked on the door gently, but there was no answer.  
Well, he was too tired, maybe he just needed to sleep more, I said to myself.  
It was the next day and Zayn didn't go on stage because he said he was too tired and didn't feel well, so just four of us went to the concert. The management was so angry because Zayn locked himself in the hotel room and refused to come out, he even said that if he hurt himself it will be very hard for the management to make that much money.  
I was so worried, scared, I was so afraid that Zayn may hurt himself, I couldn't help texting and making phone calls to him, and it felt like I left a thousand voice massages.  
The hotel was messed up and all I could hear was shouting and complaint and other noise.  
then we had to go because the concert was about to start.  
"It's gonna be alright, Zayn's gonna be alright, and everything, everything's gonna be alright." Louis said to the boys, then we hugged each other before we went on stage. I wish I could be as strong as Louis.  
I could tell from the boys' expressions that everyone felt terrible, We left our phones as usual because phones are allowed on stages, and before that I checked my calls and texts to Zayn, none of them had been replied.  
"Remember to smile when you go on stage, and say sorry to you fans."  
"Fook you." Lou said with a raspy voice.  
"We are sorry, as the management said, Zayn doesn't feel well today, so he can't be here to meet you but don't worry he'll be fine soon, he said he was looking forward to seeing you as soon as possible, sorry." I sighed after i got on stage. It ain't hard to tell how disappointed our fans were.

***


	2. Chapter 2

"Zayn, please." I knocked again," You're good? Pls, answer me, I'm worried."  
No answer. Again.  
I sighed and was about to go. Then the door just opened and then my wrist was pulled, even before I figured out what happened, I was pulled into the room.  
Then the door closed, it was all dark there.  
"Zayn?" I knew it was him because I heard his breaths and I was sure.  
He put me up against the wall, his body pressed on mine.  
"Zayn, what's wrong?" I asked, taken by surprise, I heard him breathe rapidly and thank god, the smell of cigarette was gone.  
"Liam, I missed you a lot, I haven't seen you for a half day." He whispered.  
"What?" I put my hands up to find the way to Zayn's face and placed it on his forehead, "You've caught a fever?"  
"How come? I was just waking up from s dream, and I found how much I missed you. I'm sorry dear, I shouldn't let you worried." He breathed in my ear.  
"Oh, then why didn't you answer my calls?"  
"Because it was in my pocket yesterday so it's taken a shower with me when the tub of water came."  
I didn't reply. I felt his breaths touch my face softly, brought me his heat and the long-lost scent, with his arms around me, with his heart beating so loudly.  
"So, what's this? A breathtaking surprise? After those days' solecisms and then back to normal, no more coughs, no more cigarettes, no more fights and no more smoke flavored?"  
"……I'm sorry, I……" he held me tighter, "I'm sorry I just……"  
"Fvck you!" I bent his head to face mine and kissed him roughly, then I pulled his shoulders and turned around, leaned him against the wall. "Fvck you, fvck you Zayn, you've been like a crazy psychopath for weeks and cold-heartedly let me kept on worried about you, and then you just said I missed you and sorry, and you dare to hope for my forgiveness? Fvck you!"  
I cupped the chiseled face, the face belonged to a boy who I loved the most in the whole world (his stubble touched my hands), the boy that I've been missing and worrying for weeks, the boy that I thought I lost.  
"Fvck you!" I kissed him again, "And you should say sorry to everyone, Louis, Harry, Niall, especially Louis, you shouldn't fight him, he was so worried about you, we were all so worried about you, you idiot!" I breathed so quickly that I felt it was hard for me to calm myself down, and I felt the anger was getting stronger and was like going to be out of control.  
I felt myself trembling, and Zayn was trembling too, the loud sound of our heartbeats filled my ears. And was it my illusion or? I thought I heard something like Zayn's breaths, with the tone of sobbing.  
Then I felt a drop landed on my face, I wrapped it with my fingers.  
Tears?  
Fvck. Tears.  
Fvck."I hate you for acting poor and innocent. " I tried to even my breaths and tone, tried not to sound so weak, I don't know if it was Zayn's tears or mine because it seemed to be clear that both of us had tears in our eyes, or, yes, both of us were crying-  
I felt like a coward. I had never been so sappy, just those days, I can't even remember how many times I cried.  
I put my arms around Zayn's shoulders and pressed his face to my chest, I could feel his temperature, his heartbeats, his breaths, his tremble, and sobs. And I missed his kisses. I missed him so much.  
"No more ‘sorry'?" I breathed in his hair, "'sorry' won't make things better and, and I missed you too, so……don't cry please, don't break my heart."  
But it seemed that he cried even harder.  
His cry broke my heart, and fvck I don't even know what makes him so sad, I didn't even know what happened, because we hadn't even talked about it, we hadn't had a conversation in those days. He was just smoking, coughing, being irritated.  
Fvck.  
I just held him tighter in my arms and dared to hope I could protect him, make him safe, keep him away from sadness, make him feel better.  
"Can we talk?" I asked softly.  
I felt him nod in my arms.  
"That would be wonderful. Maybe after you have a rest okay? Because you seem so tired and in need of sleep, also both of us need to calm down a bit."  
I put my arms around his waist and lift him up, carried him to the bed, wrapped him in sheets and kissed his forehead.  
"Don't leave, please. Stay with me, will you?" he asked timidly.  
"Of course I will don't worry. I won't leave you alone."  
With the very slight moonlight from out of the window, I saw the feature of his face, and it was as beautiful as the greatest work of art in the world, even there were still tears on it.  
I lay down on the bed beside him, and hug him from back, I felt his heartbeats and breaths, so smooth, and sound.  
Great.  
I closed my eyes too, after pressing a gentle kiss on his lips.  
"I love you, and I miss you too," I whispered with a smile.  
Can't wait for the talk.

***

"Liam?" I heard a slight sound. and it seemed to be my name.  
I opened my eyes. It was an early morning and the sunlight that went through the window was really bright, with some soft, clean, beautiful clouds in the azure sky, looked so pretty and relaxing.  
I loved sunlight, it always brought me hope.  
"Darling, it's time for breakfast," Zayn said softly as I stared at the window.  
"No, it's time for a talk." I got up from the bed and found Zayn sitting on the chair beside the bed, he had already dressed up, he smiled at me and he looked……so handsome and energic, bright and lovely and young.  
OMG I JUST LOVED HIM SO MUCH.  
"Okay then." He put the pieces of bread and milk away (on the bedside table actually.)  
"Zayn, hey, I just want to say, you look good today, I mean, it really hurts to see you being so worn out and-"  
I was interrupted by a loving surprise, a kiss, a gentle kiss that made me feel safe.  
He stepped back and looked at me, smiled, "I know, I shouldn't let you worry about me, but I won't let you worry again, I promise, it won't happen twice, not in a million year, I promise."


End file.
